so you’re “just trying to help”  you have some grand master plot to save the world. however my friendships are between myself and that person. not. you.
i really don’t care what impression you have or what you think you have all figured out because you haven’t been around for the past year and a half watching all the shit thats happened and the person that has held me up for that time. or how i’ve held him up.

so you can’t even begin to understant whats going on in my head and my heart and with other people because thats my time. and my shit. and honestly it really sucks because every time i’ve tried to be okay you’ve stepped in and talked about how i’m such a fucking life ruiner. how you know everything you do because evidently you know everything.

it makes me feel like a stupid, young, piece of shit. like everything i try, no matter what is worthless and that you and all of the people i’m trying desprately hard to impress feel that way. because every time i try to talk about it, or move forward in my actions i get shut down for my mistakes and my stupidity.

for evidently being so horribly wrong.

i dont like myself, darling feminist bitch friend,
I dont like that i don’t know how to mingle or make friends
I don’t like that everyone lets my age define my capabilities in a relationship or otherwise.
I don’t like that people like you and my housemates and everyone else are just sitting waiting, legs crossed for me to fuck it all up.

because in reality, darling feminist bitch friend,
you want to know what i feel like at the end of the show?
when i go home and crawl into bed (alone or otherwise) ?

i sit and think of how i am a failure. about how all i have going for me is my voice and some shitty lyrics about a highschool exboyfriend.
about how i’m passionate about special education but not about college which i need to get me into the classroom
about how i used to be one of the pretty ones but now i’m just “curvy.” “rounder” no longer beautiful.
about how my friends know exactly what they want in life and i don’t even know what i want for breakfast.
about how in reality i am a lost and lonely little girl who doesn’t even know enough about herself to have the confidence to mingle.
who is afraid.
who is intimidated by all the grown ups around her.
who is continually questioning everything.

but i think you already knew that, darling, feminst, bitch, friend,

because about 7 years ago you were me.
you were just as lonely, self-loathing, scared, and starry eyed as i am now.

my only hope is that i don’t end up like you.
because as disgusting and hateful as i feel about myself,

i know i can do a helluva lot better than that.

-magee